Why do we get Christian hospitality wrong?

Written By Maria (Angie) B.

It’s easy to think of hospitality as setting a perfect scene—a beautifully cured charcuterie board, treats arranged with care, a table laid out in flawless design. I used to think that this image captured the heart of Christian hospitality. But, as I’ve grown in faith and lived through challenges, I’ve come to see how much more hospitality means than a curated table.

True Christian hospitality doesn’t need the “perfect” arrangement. It’s about showing up for others in love, welcoming people as they are, and meeting their needs in the moment—often when things feel anything but “put together.” It’s an openness of spirit, a willingness to extend a seat and a listening ear, even if there’s only a simple meal to share. It’s meeting others, sometimes in life’s messiest, most unpolished spaces, with an open heart and God’s grace.

That shift in understanding changes everything. It’s not about the aesthetic of the table; it’s about the depth of welcome we extend.

Sometimes Christian hospitality does get misinterpreted, especially when it leans more toward appearances or checking boxes than genuine connection. True hospitality in a Christian sense is deeply relational and spiritual—it’s about opening our lives to others in a way that reflects Christ’s love, warmth, and acceptance.

In its truest form, its less about impressing and more about loving.

 
 

Hospitality is all about creating a welcoming, warm environment for others, whether they're family, friends, or strangers. Here are a few examples:

1. Greeting Guests with Warmth: Offering a genuine smile and greeting guests warmly as they arrive, making them feel seen and appreciated.

2. Thoughtful Details: Setting up small touches, like comfortable seating, lighting a candle, or even offering their favorite drink or snack if you know their preferences. For instance, putting out cinnamon rolls or something inviting and comforting can show thoughtfulness.

3. Being Present and Attentive: Listening actively, engaging with guests, and anticipating their needs—like offering a glass of water before they even ask.

4. Going Out of Your Way to Help: If a guest mentions they like something, like a particular flower or treat, you might go out of your way to have that in the space, or even send them home with a small bunch of flowers or baked goods.

5. Making People Feel at Home: This might mean letting them serve themselves or feel free to explore the space rather than needing to wait for direction.

6. Symbolic Gestures of Welcome: Setting up decorations or symbols of welcome. I am not talking anything complicated— a lighted candle, a blanket, or similar gesture. It shows your intention to make others feel welcome even in tough circumstances.

7. Offering a Safe Space: Inviting others to share their stories, emotions, or struggles with you and making them feel heard and valued without judgment.

In every case, hospitality is about making people feel comfortable, cared for, and welcomed into your space—whether it’s a small gesture or a grand one.



Absolutely, hospitality is rooted in genuine warmth and care, so actions that lack those elements tend to fall outside the scope of true hospitality. Here are some examples:

1. Being Dismissive or Inattentive: Ignoring guests or making them feel like an inconvenience. This might be not greeting them properly, or acting distracted, making them feel like they’re unimportant or unwelcome.

2. Being Too Formal or Rigid: Hospitality is about warmth and ease, so sticking too strictly to formalities can make people feel uncomfortable, as if they’re on display rather than at ease.

3. Focusing Only on the Aesthetics: If you’re overly concerned with appearances—such as having everything look “perfect” while neglecting the comfort of guests—you might miss the true spirit of hospitality.

4. Not Being Willing to Adapt: If a guest has a special need or preference (such as dietary restrictions) and you’re unwilling to make any adjustments or accommodations, it can feel unwelcoming and even dismissive.

5. Imposing or Overwhelming Guests: Making guests feel obligated to accept things or pushing them beyond what’s comfortable (like insisting they eat or drink more) can lead to discomfort. Hospitality is about respecting their wishes and comfort level.

6. Neglecting Cleanliness or Comfort: A messy, unclean, or disorganized space can make guests feel uncomfortable, as it can seem like you didn’t care enough to prepare for their visit.

7. Making It About Yourself: True hospitality is guest-centered, so focusing more on showing off, telling your own stories without asking about theirs, or expecting praise for your efforts detracts from the genuine care and welcome that hospitality entails.

In essence, hospitality that lacks warmth, attentiveness, and respect for the guest's comfort often doesn’t feel like true hospitality—it may look like it on the outside, but it misses the genuine connection that makes people feel truly welcomed.

One aspect I want to touch on is what I call “The rise of Christian influencers,” which can sometimes shift the focus of hospitality, especially when the emphasis is on aesthetics, personal branding, or presenting a "perfect" image.

With social media, it’s easy for hospitality to look more like a curated experience rather than a genuine act of love and connection. While beautifully set tables and well-decorated spaces can be lovely, they aren’t the essence of Christian hospitality.

The challenge with Christian influencers is that their public platforms can unintentionally place emphasis on appearances—creating pressure to replicate a certain “look” of hospitality rather than the spirit behind it. In these settings, hospitality can be reduced to something that’s more about style and presentation, which can overshadow the more profound, often messy work of making others feel safe, valued, and deeply loved.

True Christian hospitality isn’t about followers or aesthetics; it’s about meeting people where they are and showing Christ’s love in practical, heartfelt ways. The goal isn’t a flawless presentation but a genuine experience of care and connection that points back to God. Social media has the potential to inspire, but it can also lead to misinterpretation. Staying grounded in the purpose of hospitality—serving others selflessly—can help keep our hearts aligned, no matter how public or private the setting.

Take away: Christian hospitality isn’t just about serving a meal or creating a beautiful space (though those can be meaningful). It’s about welcoming others into a place of belonging and safety, where they feel seen, valued, and loved without judgment. When hospitality becomes performative or self-focused, it misses the spirit of humility and selfless service that Jesus modeled.

Be blessed.

Maria (Angie) B. https://angiebaer.com
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